October 2022, 3 months after my daughter was born, i decided to go back once a week to the office and doing some hours here and there from home. Partly because i started the need to socialize, to be more than Alma's mother and partly because i wanted to check how was everything at the office.
The result was eye-opener. It turns out, i love being all day without Alma but i feel the urge to take care of her because i love that better. Even when some days were hard. Call it an instinct, but i know i have to stay longer at home because she was so small.
As for the office wise, everything was the same. The orders came and out, some collections were weak but the result was there, there was some errors but not dramatic, things were a bit messy but still ok. Then something bugs me.
While everything stays the same, while my boss was being super lovely and welcoming, i noticed things that i hadn't notice before : how i catch "the usual comments" unusual, how i found "the normal grumble" abnormal, and i decided that was not the energy i want to be surrounded with when i came back. just like that, i felt my time at Gas touches the end.
What i didn't know back then, the end came sooner than later. And so the heartache begins..
Long story short, a headhunter called me and one meeting became two and before i realized i got the offer. When i saw the email and received the call, i was in disbelief : is this real?
i remember gathering myself, trying to remember what makes me wanted to join them? and i immediately knew : the value and the people.
They hold a company culture that i wish to be a part of, that i actually hope Gas had.
Then came the dreadest week of all : the week where i announce about the proposal and that i might leave. There i was, letting my heart out, critizing my current company to my current boss - he was listening and agreeing and doing his best to make me stay. Although i think, we both know, it was the right time for me to move on.
My heart ache because i know my time left in the company is short.
I came young, after having horrible experiences in previous companies, and i was immediately challenged to launch the brand in Japan. I worked hard, cried twice, almost had a burn out, ever unhappy because of a toxic collegue but my boss always catch me at the right time. He was my hero.
He opened so many doors for me, gave me so many opportunities, flew in business class for the first time, eat in top restaurants... but most of all, he trust me and it built my confidence.
And it breaks my heart to say goodbye to my first mentor who molded me into who i am today.
As i write my day, i look and touch each jewelry and feel nothing but love. How i spent so many times in an awe working around them. I feel immediately nostalgic cause i know i will miss them. I will miss all the manual work that i do, i will miss the battle with atelier, i will miss all that because i love Gas entirely.
During the day and the night i constantly questionning whether i should go. Until today i dont have the clear answer. Only that in October i promised myself if i found something that i likes : people and salary wise, i should move on. and so i decided to move on.
it's still fresh and i still cry.
but i know grow happens outside your comfort zone.
and for Alma, i need to continue growing